The Art of Asking - What not to do

May 31, 2018

 

The single most important habit for progressing is the ability to ask.

You have to ask in order to get.

 

In companies today, when there is so much competition, those who ask what they want stand at least 80% chance of getting what they want

 

So whether its in your profession or in your personal life, asking will surely get you started on the conversation  

 

However lot of us assume we will get things automatically. You could be thinking working hard will get your that raise. Or your manager will add you into the prestigious project based on your last performance. While this is still possible, what is also true is that leaders tend to forget even their most deserving team members due to several reasons. Asking for it will not only help you get advantage of being chosen but also put your request in their mind. 

 

As kids we have grown up asking lot of questions. And because we questioned, we learnt and progressed in our life.

 

But somewhere down the line, we get into a stage where we start expecting people to understand us. We expect that they will know exactly what we want. And when they don’t respond the way you want them to, there’s a crash in that expectation.

 

So why not simplify this and just ask. Here are few things however you must not do …  the keys to asking 

 

1.   Stop assuming others are mind readers

 

We often assume our bosses, colleagues, our good friends and especially our spouses can read our minds. Well they can’t. Creating unreasonable expectations that others will know what you want will only hurt you more. So be very practical and don’t assume.

 

2. Don’t give hints

 

No one is taking them. No one really will. The reality is that other people will rarely care as much about your needs and desires as you do. It is better to be direct as hinting will never work.  And neither do generic requests. 

 

3. Don’t be generic

 

Why is this important? Because ambiguous requests do not clearly specify what you really want. It is better to get as specific as possible so that you are crystal clear about what you want and so will everyone be. Be specific about what you want and when you want it

 

4. Don’t be a martyr of rejection 

 

Sure you dared to ask. But if you don’t get it, you must be able to accept it instead of feeling dejected with the rejection.

 

Jack Canfield said - Rejection doesn’t mean No, it simply means not yet. Shifting your mindset to handle rejection will help you a long way.

 

Feelings of overwhelm, frustration and resentment are generally the symptoms of a lack of requests. It could be dealing with a boss with unreasonable expectations or a colleague . Perhaps it is your spouse who seems oblivious to your efforts on the home front.  

 

So if you are have found yourself wrestling with any of those emotions, chances are you aren’t asking enough of those around you. 

 

Watch the video version of this blog is available here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Aparna RK
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